it's strange sometimes the realizations you have in a seemingly random moment. i don't think they're random at all though. i think we know the answer all along, it's just in a moment that we choose to recognize it. in my own life i think this is true anyway. the answers often are there, right in front of me, but instead of looking directly in the looking glass, i try to peer through it and make things what they aren't. like alice, i'd rather slide down in the rabbit hole. it's funny, tonight brittney said,"you like nothing more than to get lost by yourself." i hadn't thought of it that way before, but she's right. even if getting lost means nothing more than roaming around the mall alone, looking at the pretty things and watching all the people. i like the aloneness. i relish my quiet solitude, even if it's found in the middle of Manhattan. i am alone, and there is peace and independence in that. sometimes i want to share the joy i find in those times with others, but i'm afraid it would be lost on them, as the fun of something like a football game is wasted on me. so that may be my answer...my beloved solitude

because i stand on the periphery means i love no less than another. i just do so quietly, and in my own way. still my heart is heavy, and my soul is weak with sorrow. i cannot verbally depict the sentiments that overwhelm my heart. waves of sorrow wash over me, yet all i can visualize is Michelle's beautiful smile that could light up the world. i can see her dancing and hear her laughing. i can remember her soft and pensive advice when we discussed our lives. i can see the joy in her eyes and hear the delight in her voice over nothing more than a normal Monday afternoon lunch. This girl lived life. She showed us all how to do it the right way. She enjoyed every moment and lived in the here and now. She adored every single one of us, each in our own way. she loved us so well, the weak, the faint of heart, the weary, the down-trodden. Michelle was like no other. Truly she loved as Christ loved. God bless you Michelle, and thank you. I am touched by your life every day, and always I will carry you with me. You have left the most lovely legacy. You have loved well.