A New Perspective

I sat outside church writing today for about 30 minutes. I was sorting through these thoughts of feeling like my worth was only in what I look like. I was torn about this and really in great turmoil as I want so badly for someone to see what lies beneath. I hope that perhaps one day someone will see my heart and the intricacies therein. Perhaps someone will see me for my character, integrity, and compassion. On the flip side though, perhaps not. I do not know what the future holds for me. I do know that I realized today that regardless of my doubts and fears, my God is much bigger than all of that, and His power far outweighs any of my hopelessness.

After I sat writing this afternoon, I walked into church fully ready to listen and learn and allow God to speak to my heart. And He did. I saw that in my brokenness, I had lost sight of what is important. I was so focused on "poor pitiful" me, that I had given little thought to the lives of others and the hurt and uncertainty they may be experiencing and how I could help. How foolish of me to get so caught up in something so trivial as whether or not people see me the way I want them to see me.

I sat in church in this broken state, singing the songs, listening to the sermon, and then, the pastor quoted Nelson Mandela...
"We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?' Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us."
Upon hearing that the realization of my foolishness really began to set in. So many thoughts flooded my mind then...and there was a peace about who I am and the way I am perceived. And then people began to give their prayer requests. I was so humbled when I heard the afflictions in the lives of others. My heart was broken, and I sat there nearly in tears, especially after a friend mentioned something he was dealing with that is very close to my own heart. All of these different prayer requests, all equally legitimate, none more important than another, gave me a fresh perspective. I have placed too much importance on myself. I have not allowed God to complete His work in me just yet. There is still much to do. To allow this to happen, I think I have to approach Him with a more broken spirit and a more willing heart. I must truly deny myself