the frailty of life is something intangible. it cannot be held in the palm of the hand. it cannot be seen or heard. it is however quite real to all of us, yet we disregard its importance until we are faced with the cold, harsh reality of it.
someone died today. someone dies every day, but this someone was the husband of a friend. as i drove home and watched watched the road unwind in front of me the same way it does every day, i remembered how it feels to lose someone you love. i remembered how it seemed as though i were outside myself watching everything go on around me. i could see myself standing there while the rest of the world continued on with everyday functions. it was as though i were screaming and no one could hear me. there, that cold, dark solitude is what i remembered so well today. that, i'm sure, must be how my friend felt today as she moved through the motions in complete shock while other people tended to their everyday lives. tomorrow she will wake up and her world will have been forever changed. she no longer has a safe place to call home. her home has been dismantled and there is nothing she can do about it.
that is the core of what i'm thinking now. i know so well what it is to lose your "home". not necessarily that i no longer have shelter or a dwelling place, but my actual home with my family, that safe comfortable place, is no longer there for me when i am hurt, frightened, exhausted, lonely, or in need of solace. my home is no longer something that exists. it is nowhere.
is my road one that leads me home? is the idea of home something that can never be attained? is it something that is only fleeting...something that should it be obtained is only destined to be lost again?
i was told tonight there is a difference in living and surviving. i'm not certain that i can differentiate between the two though. nor am i sure what the goal of doing either might be. live for what? survive for what? is there a point to traveling this long, arduous road? what does the end hold? maybe nothing after all...
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2 comments:
Some interesting observations about life & theology. I've had many of the same thoughts over the years, but I've come to some concrete conclusions because I've found "truth" along the way. Remember - I said "found" truth, I didn't create it.
You're probably wondering how I found your blog? Cary Barlowe is the brother of Sunshine Lewis who was my oldest daughters best friend. My daughter is Ramey Reeves who went to be with her Savior & God Jesus Christ on July 9, 2008 at "33" years of age. Cary is a Facebook friend and I stumbled onto your blog via Cary's site.
In reading your blog "The Long Road", I could say alot, and in time if you want, I will. If you care to read my blog on "Truth" you can find it at www.mysundaymorningsermon.blogspot.com. For now to keep this comment somewhat concise, I will make it brief and say these two things.
(1) Truth is something you "find" - it's not something you create in your mind and it's not a matter of opinion.
(2) Truth is true for everyone. There are not different "truths" for different people, cultures etc.
I will comment more on your blogs later; it's getting late tonight and I gotta hit the rack.
Blessings to you, In "His" grip,
Terry Dean Harder
oh very cool! Love Cary...great guy.
Sorry to hear about your loss. That must be so difficult. And please continue on with your comments. Much appreciated. If you would like a more open forum for discussion email me:
alexisarice@gmail.com
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