Stuck-ness

Ah, where to begin. Much has happened in nearly a year since I've last written. I'll get to it all...eventually.

Today however I'm thinking of all sorts of various subject matters, but primarily I'm focused on what to do next in my life. I have a very strong sense of stuck-ness, and I'm not at all fond of it. Remember that movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray? Some people think that movie is brilliant. I'm not one of those people. I HATE that movie. Really, I think it's horrible. Yet to my dismay, that is my life. It's been that way for years now. I keep trying to find a way out of it, like Alice going down the rabbit hole, except I can't seem to find the appropriate rabbit hole...maybe I'm not following the correct rabbit.

The worst part of the stuck-ness is a strong feeling of being unable to have some finality and move on from my messy past and have a new life. I still have the same job I've always had. I live in the same place. I see the same people. There is nothing different really, so there is a sense that nothing is moving forward. It's very stagnant, and terribly uninteresting.

I've been accused before of being incredibly conservative. Granted, this was from a person whose understanding of the word is largely misunderstood at best; however, I do think there is a point to be made. I don't necessarily choose to be terribly conservative...which in this case I believe the person meant responsible. And let me clarify, responsibility is not a bad thing. If I had my way I'd be a modern day Edie Sedgwick, but that's just not in the cards for this girl. If I tried that route, I would no doubt end up cold, hungry, and living on the streets. Plus I really do have a thing for pretty dresses and tall shoes.

So, what to do? I've applied to literally over 100 jobs. I can't even get an interview. I can't leave Atlanta, which although not a bad city is very boring to me. If I move to a different part of town, it will cost more in rent and gas to drive to and from work. It's rather a conundrum, and not the delicious wine either...although I'd gladly take a bottle of that.