As I was driving home tonight, I begin to realize that there is a deep yearning within my heart to have a husband...or at least a significant other. Why? Well because I want to matter to someone. I want to be more than a pretty face or a silly giggle. I want someone to know me fully and love me in spite of some parts of me and for others. I don't want to be lonely anymore.
Now I know that I must first be okay with who I am and be content with God alone, and I am, but that doesn't mean that I do not still have this insatiable desire to be loved. Like anyone, I must patiently bide my time. Some days my heart is simply heavier than others. Today is one of those days.
I drove home sort of in a trance...granted that is partially due to a margarita and a half coupled with my poor drinking skills, but that aside, I just kept thinking and wondering if I will ever be more than just another girl to anyone. I have no answer to that question. I can hope and dream, but at the end of the day, I am still alone, and my heart is tended to by my God only. That is enough, but there is still an emptiness...a yearning to be significant to someone.
Today is not my day for that. Perhaps someday will come...
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