recently the question was posed about what sort guy i'd go on a date with should he actually have the nerve to ask. that was followed by a point about whether or not the aforementioned guy would have to meet a certain standard or list of criteria. that made me start thinking...what would i put on that list?
i know a lot of people have a very clear cut image of the person they are seeking-much like how most little girls know every detail of their dream wedding prior to age 10. i was never that little girl though. i've never been much of a planner. i'm definitely the proverbial "fly by the seat of your pants" sort of girl, which is okay with me. i see no need to change as i enjoy living my life this way.
but back to this list. i suppose if i had to name specific attributes i'd start with character and integrity. if i were looking for someone, i'd want that person to choose to do the right thing simply because it is in fact the right thing, not because of any sort of acclaim that may come with it, and certainly not because he might feel compelled to do so because others may be watching. i want this theoretical man to do what's right for no other reason than he knows there is no other option.
i want him to be humble. now i don't mean that to read self-deprecating. that's wholly different. i mean that he is not proud or boastful. he puts others far ahead of himself regardless of the cost. he sees self sacrifice as an obvious response to the needs of others because relationships are worth more to him than anything else imaginable. that sort of humility.
hmm...i want him to be kind and gentle, but not so gentle that he's emasculated. gentle with his words because he knows the damage they can do, and kind and merciful in spirit. additionally, i hope he has the patience and wisdom to exercise enormous amounts of grace because God knows i need it.
then on the flip side, i want him to be fun. i want him to have as much zeal for life as i do. i want him to see an adventure in everyday events, and always seek reasons to celebrate. we have one life to live, and i want to live it fully. i don't want to drag around someone who lives vicariously through me. i want him to have his own adventures and stories to tell...and somehow, somewhere along the way our stories can merge.
and i want him to love me. not the novel idea of me, but actually me, with all of my quirks and idiosyncrasies, not despite them, but because of them. i want him to be secure enough to allow me to retain the freedom of being me. which, believe me, i realize that's actually asking for a lot. in turn though, i'd gladly give him the same respect.
lastly, just because i'm terrible with finance, i really need him to be great at it. i can manage fine on my own, but if a family were ever involved, it's all him. i'm glad to relinquish that right.
so that's my list. it sounds simple, but in practice it seems to be quite difficult really. people are tricky too. you have to watch them. at first, a lot of men appear to exhibit these qualities, but it's a facade they put up to try to bag the girl. not to say that girls don't play the same coy games, but the one i want...he won't play any games. he'll shoot straight and be honest to the point it hurts. he won't have to tell me how great he is or how he could fabricate some great relationship with me or anyone else. he won't romance me with silly flowers and gifts because he'll know those things are fleeting. he'll simply be. his actions will speak volumes, and he won't require so many words.