A Lesson Learned

It's interesting the things you learn as you grow older. For example, when I was a child, I was always taught that attitude is everything. As I got older and started school, I was told that no matter what, I had to be smart because being pretty was not only an subjective thing but also a fleeting one. I was taught many ideas and concepts such as these, but the one about always being smart played a significant role in my self perception the older I got. I began to define myself by my accomplishments in school, and after school, I defined myself by my job. This is dangerous territory upon which to tread for in doing so, I set myself up for failure. There will always be someone more interesting than me, funnier than me, thinner than me, prettier than me, and God forbid someone smarter than me. Essentially, I gave myself unattainable goals which did nothing but tear away at my self worth.
Then I married someone who simply compounded the idea that I was of very little value and that I had little to no intellectual insight, which was a major blow to my ego. In a search for significance, I became terribly depressed because I could never reach the lofty goals set before me.
Years passed, and I remained in this tempestuous state of self doubt, bitterness, depression, and self loathing. I was unable to find solid ground anywhere regardless of how intensely I sought exactly that. There was no stability. There was no significance. I was no one.
After a fair amount of counseling though, I learned a valuable lesson: I am defined by God and the person He made me to be. In the end, nothing else really matters. Upon learning this, I realized that I had missed the point of what God had been trying to teach me. In my despair and constant internal battle and really my own selfishness, I had missed out on the people and their significance. I thought I had to be the smartest person at my job. I thought I couldn't make any mistakes. I thought because I didn't have some big, powerful, important job, that I wasn't important. What I know now though is that I am important, and I do have a powerful job. I am required to love people as they are regardless of circumstance. That is an incredibly important task, and I pray that I am able to rise to the occasion.