it is for this reason that i can sit and say i have been arrogant, foolish, and prideful. i know i have been wrong, and i am not being dramatic or too hard on myself. i am simply being blunt, honest, and to the point.
it is written:
1 Corinthians 1:18-25

For the message about the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written, “I will destroy the wisdom of the wise, and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart.” Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, God decided, through the foolishness of our proclamation, to save those who believe. For Jews demand signs and Greeks desire wisdom, but we proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. For God’s foolishness is wiser than human wisdom, and God’s weakness is stronger than human strength.


just this past wednesday, let's see, what was that? march 8 i believe. at the prayer service that night, i came to this realization regarding how i have been fighting so hard for so very long. i know i have been intent upon proving everyone wrong. i was so very angry and so very hurt. i wanted nothing to do with dog and pony show. i didn't want to be like those people. and then it hit me. i'm not like those people, and to share this common faith, i still will not become like them. i can be the one who shares this belief and yet isn't like the others. and that katrina my sweet friend, is my goal. i hope to be the one who people see as kind and gentle, compassionate and understanding, loving and generous, wise and hopeful. i pray that i don't become one of those who shuns others, treats people poorly, doesn't listen, and is too arrogant to admit her wrongs. i see how my intelligence is little more than foolish fodder. my questions, while some are valid and worth discussing, others are nothing more than a line of defense.

i don't want to miss it all. i don't want to run anymore, and i am certainly not in this for a fight. i am weary after over a decade of gnashing at the teeth. i welcome this peace and this rest. i won't be foolish enough to turn it away again.