Tuesday, February 7, 2012

sleep has eluded me as of late. i'm not the least bit happy about it either. that makes the light of day even more unbearable.
the tick, tick, ticking of the clock as minutes turn into hours of restless sleeplessness. the hum of the air conditioning that just never stops. slowly the thick black of the sky fades into grey morning haze that burns off with the unseasonable warmth of the sun. and all the while i lay here. waiting. waiting for my dreams to carry me off and away to some sleepy, neverland that exists only behind the curtain of night.
but no. no dreams for me tonight or maybe ever. i wonder if at least a wave of sleep will wash over me as here i lay.
is it the angels that torment me in my bed with pushing and prodding throughout the night? Surely it isn't the demons that dance inside my head, for we are old friends with a past sordid though it may be. they are the ones who have been with me always. it cannot be them who banish sleep from my bed.
whatever it is, i hope to fight it off this night. as i lay here yearning for that sweet respite from the world. come, come to me sweet sleep. lay here with me and hold me tight so that i may pass from this pace of life into a deep, long slumber

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi, I don't know you...you certainly don't know me. How I found your blog is a long story and not necessary at the moment. I have one question for you: do you know who your Father is? Do you know the Father? Do you know Jesus? Please seriously think about that...and if you have the faith to ask and wait and listen, then do it.

A Barely Awake-Dream

Picture yourself in a jeep-type vehicle on a rocky, loose, but visible path, far out in the wilderness. There is, on your left, a fairly steep hill, and a cliff on your right. This rocky dirt wall on your left is composed of loose gravel and dirt, and is all along the left side of the rough rocky, but visible trail you are traveling upon.

On this fairly steep, loose gravel and dirt hill on your left, there is no readily visible path. There are various profiles of steepness and mounds as far as you can see, up and forward on your left.

The gravel and dirt path your vehicle is on is somewhat bumpy—but it is a path. And you already know where this path leads. It’s a slow descent into a noxious dump ground.

The thoughts in your mind are somewhat frightening and testing. Do you have the courage to turn the jeep off of the simple path? Will you willingly turn up, and INTO the loose-gravel hill to your left, not seeing a path, or even an easy ascent course? Will you TRY to climb the fairly steep and loose walls to your left? Will you try to find a way up the mountain where there is no path, and the gravel is loose, knowing intuitively that you could slide sideways, or even overturn the jeep?

You cannot go backwards (no one can). And, you know where the slowly descending path goes.

Are you willing to risk, to TRY to climb the mountain, risking the slides, and mistakes, or even roll-overs? Or will you just take the descending “safe” path, that ends in the toxic dump, and justify that in your mind as “safer”?

Just MAYBE, though, there is a PIONEER, One who has taken the risky route in the past, outside the camp and predictable and supposedly “safe” man-pleasing route. MAYBE He Promised, and He will provide a Helping hand on the way—one mound at a time, up the Mountain, for those who Risk.

He HAS, and He DID.

http://letters.jesuslifetogether.com/A-Barely-Awake-Dream

AARice said...

anonymous,
i'm certainly open to discussing should you like to do so.
my answer to your questions are as follows:
my earthly father, yes and no. i'm adopted so i don't know my birth father. but the man who loved and raised me? yes, but he died when i was only 14.
jesus...i grew up in the church, went to a christian college even. i know quite a bit about it, but wouldn't dare say i know everything. however, i've explored that faith and theology. it has served only to fail me time and again. and generally most christians only further perpetuate my negative sentiments toward the church and religion.
i believe in loving people...treating them with kindness and compassion. i believe in doing the right thing because it's the right thing.
i think the bible has some lovely stories and valuable lessons. i think jesus is the greatest protagonist in history, but i don't want religion, or church. thoughts?

Anonymous said...

Hello again, I will start with an email address that is a junk email address, please do not be offended. I just don't like the internet in general. :) In spite of my every day use of it! vireapagina@yahoo.com We'll go from there.