i'm not much of one for fabricated emotion. i don't fall for romance. i've been chauffeured about in bentley's and the like. i've been the recipient of sycophantic flattery. i've had my share of flowers and fancy dates. i'm phased by none of it. i simply don't think it's real. i'm so much happier, delighted even, by completely direct honesty and quality time and conversation shared over something as simple as a cup of coffee. i just don't go for the hollywood version of love. i want something real.

but this is where, for so long, i've had such difficulty with the church. for years i've thought of church as well, to borrow a term from a friend, a "god mart" of sorts. everything is produced. the lights, cameras, music, videos, etc. i felt as though there was a copious amount of meaningless pageantry, but as long as you showed up wearing the right pair of jeans, you were in the right spot.

that kind of thing just isn't my scene. i remember the days when i was consumed by what i was wearing and what i looked like. now though, i'm doing really well to actually run a brush through my hair. appearances just aren't high on my list of priorities. the thing about is though, Jesus wasn't too concerned about them either.

no, in fact Jesus admonished those who did good deeds only for the notoriety. quite the opposite really. he instead revered those who quietly performed charitable and honorable acts. those are the people, the ones who didn't care how they appeared to others who were the most Christlike. that's one of the things i'm fond of in regards to Jesus and how he perceived people.

but in the church, there is all this show. it's loud, sometimes even abrasive and almost garish at times. all the sights and sounds elicit these overwhelming emotions of sorrow, remorse, joy, or even grief or guilt. recently though i read a book that talked about the history behind a large portion of religious traditions. i gained a new respect for them...the meaningful customary ones though, not the silly rock concerts churches try to have each week. i can appreciate that in large part people took part in traditions to separate themselves as a nation, and to form an identity. isn't that what we all want? to be identified in some deep and meaningful way? to belong to a group? and to have a purpose?

i paint so people ask if i'm an artist. i love music so people assume i love musicians (which to be fair, i used to but learned my lesson.) i work in project management yet i don't find an identity there, nor is it in my friends or anything else like that. no, i've learned that behind all these customs and traditions is an identity rooted in Jesus Christ. and that is where i'm learning to find my identity as well. not in works or appearances or societal classes, but in the one who went against the grain and treated people well, with kindness, love, and respect.