someone recently mentioned being shocked that i have time for my art, whether it's writing or painting. i realize i'm generally incredibly busy, to the point that i'm not fond of it myself. however, i make time for those things that are important to me.
as i've begun to immerse myself back into church, i've forced myself to get involved and meet people and essentially make a new life. i'm engaging with people that before, i'd probably never even noticed. i am pursuing relationships that in the past would have eluded me much to my pleasure.
here i sit now though, tired, but delighted to have all of these new ventures before me. why? well, it's way out of reach from my comfort zone. that alone is a good thing. more importantly though, these people can help me see the things i've been longing for over the past years. they will sit and talk through my questions with me. they will earnestly pray for me, not to change who i am, but to help me understand and come to live a life of fullness and freedom. it isn't far off i know. i can see the chinks in my armor. i can feel the weight of the world slowly falling off my shoulders. no longer do i feel the need to simply shrug in order to bear the weight of a single day.
so here i am in pursuit of something more. desiring peace, compassion, and agape love. i am overwhelmed by the mercy and grace shown to me. i can see it clearly. for so long i've thought i'm just one of those people who endears herself to others in such a way that they feel compelled to grant me favor, but no, that is mercy...undeserved and unwarranted favor...granted upon me by a God who looks out for me even when i'm in the midst of a storm--even when that storm seems to never end.
the older i get though, the more i like, and even embrace those storms. it's the ebbs, not the flows, of life that are so lovely. the downs are the times when your character is developed and tested. the ups...not so much. it is for that reason that i prefer the sour to the sweet. i stand by the notion too that you can't have the sweet without the sour. well said Jason Lee. hopefully you all realize that's a reference to the movie vanilla sky :)

anyway, as time passes, i'm slowly coming around. the cold, hard steel that once surrounded my heart is melting away with the warmth of love provided by the body of christ...a body that spans as far as the east is from the west.