hmm...

I'm not entirely sure where I'm headed with this post, but I suppose I'll just see where I end up. Sometimes it seems that there are a thousand thoughts swirling in my mind, but not one of them is clear or possesses the ability to stand out from the rest. So, here I am trying to figure out what exactly is at the forefront of my mind. Writing is a great tool to do just that in my opinion.

You know, I by no means claim to be an intellectual or an artist or an eccentric, but these are things that I truly admire in other people, and there is a piece of me that hopes I fit into one of those categories in at least some small way. I don't know precisely what it is about those sorts of people that attract me so much. I think it has something to do with the generally quiet nature they exhibit, but more so, I'd have to say it's the fact that they stand out from the pack. I feel like too often people are so afraid to be different, but man, it's SO attractive when someone is bold enough to be independent, think freely, wear whatever he chooses...gosh, I don't know. I just love the courage it takes to be different.

I don't want to be like everyone else. God, I hope no one ever lumps me in the same group as "all those other girls." Truly, I hope to be different. Never do I want to be the girl who needs to be the center of attention. I don't want to have to be the pretty girl. I don't want to be the loud, obnoxious girl. I don't want to be typical. I want to be anything but. I want to relish all of my little idiosyncrasies. I hope to open my mind and think. I want to be challenged in my thoughts actually. I'd LOVE to meet someone who will sit and talk for hours about the world, politics, religion, culture, etc. I want to be pushed. I want to be forced outside of my mental comfort zone. I want to understand other people's opinions and why they do what they do.

You know, as Christians we're called to be different. It seems to me though that all too often we get caught up in being...ugh, dare I say this loathed word..."relevant." yuck. I don't even like writing that word. It's really played out. At any rate, I think it could well be a downfall for the church. I understand the concept behind wanting to be...the loathed word, BUT despite the good intentions, I think a lot of the time people forget what it means to be a Christian. We're to love people. Love the sinner hate the sin. We aren't supposed to be like them though. All the cool designer jeans in the world won't make anyone any more holy, nor will it make that person's relationship with God seem any more desirable for someone on the outside looking in.

So, my next thought is, what do I do that makes me like "everyone else"? Are the things that define me as such harmful, beneficial, irrelevant? How can I change to be more effective for the kingdom of God? What about me is too much like the world that I don't stand out anymore?