I need someone to open the pickle jar...

Or juice, or salsa, or whatever the case may be.

Let me back up and tell this story from the beginning...
So, back a little over 5 years ago, I got married. Yes, that's right I entered into a committed adult relationship bound by God and the great state of North Carolina. Somewhere along the way though, this relationship took a dive. The problem is that the beginning of the end started well before we even got married. I was simply too young, naive, and uninformed to know any better or any different. Incidentally, I found myself locked into a marriage relationship that operated more as though it were a business contract. It seemed like we were always in negotiations or as though we were in some courtroom discussing corporate law. I really think the Enron case was more peaceful than my marriage. After years of battling with each other, it seemed that there was no other option aside from separation. At the mention of that idea, "he" said that separation meant immediate divorce. Well, okay then. So, I moved out. Got my own apartment and found myself in a dark, lonely place. Within that place though, I began to find healing and a sense of who I really am. I found this person inside of me whom I had not known for years. Slowly the dark and cold faded and melted away turning into a warm light. This sense of self began to define who I was for the first time in as long as I could remember, and it's quite refreshing.

Then after a bit, I moved in with an old friend. I met all these new people who opened my eyes even wider to who I am and who I want to be. Initially when I met them, I faced them with great trepidation and apprehension. I was so sure that they had heard stories and rumors about me. I was positive they would look at me and think smugly, "Who does this girl think she is? Shouldn't she be wearing a scarlet 'A' pinned to her sweater?" Nice huh? I prejudged a whole group of people because I thought they would do the same to me. Sometimes it's nice to be wrong.

The next problem arose though when I became the equivalent to a new toy at Christmas. I peaked all this interest because I was shiny and new, but then, that all slowed to a halt just as I had predicted it would. I sort of relished the attention a bit before. I had never really received anything like that in my past. It was a welcome change from being ignored constantly and never being made to feel important. All the attention, though foreign to me, was so warm and embracing. All these new people endeared themselves to me right away. As I said though, eventually reality set in and all that initial excitement plateaued.

Now I find myself often feeling lonely and as though I don't fit in anywhere. It's like I don't quite have a place to belong. I was so used to being incredibly independent, but then I found out how much I need people and want them around all the time. I want someone to always be there. I want a buddy, a friend, a confidant. I want to have someone in my life who will shoot straight with me, who will tell me I'm beautiful and smart, who will play games with me, who will make me his top priority, who will love me unconditionally, who will indulge my love of shoes and all things pretty, who is simply content to just be with me, and who will open the jar of Claussen pickles when I need one to put on my sandwich. It's hard to admit, but I can't do it all by myself. I used to think I could, but then I found out the truth, and the pickle jar despite its best effort will not open of its own volition.