As I try my best to navigate these uncharted waters and seek out growth, friendship, encouragement, and honesty I'm left to consider largely the issue of my own pride. I have allowed it stand in my way for so long, unwilling to even name it, much less to fight it. Yet in this season of self exploration and a desire to learn and understand, I am determined to replace that pride with humility. For someone who has had to fight a long and arduous war to make it this far, laying aside that line of defense to open myself up and make myself entirely vulnerable is no easy feat. But it is one of a great magnitude. One that I will embrace and push through with tenacity and a steadfast drive that is slow and steady yet determined. I am not one to shy away from a challenge. I do not fear tasks that seem hard and maybe even impossible. I delight in the difficulty of it all for I know in the end I will be better for it.

After a lengthy and enlightening discussion this morning, I can see that I have much yet to do in order to accomplish my goal. To become the person I desire to be I tasked with setting aside my confidence and pride and replacing it with a very real and true humility that will allow others to approach me who maybe wouldn't have in the past. I must learn to become that gentle spirit who deftly moves through the crowd and watches, listens, and learns. I must know that it is not always my time to speak, but that instead I must pay attention to others and hear what they are saying. I have to remember that we aren't all at the same stage in the game, and I cannot lose my patience for those who are unable to meet me in my arena. Instead I must meet them where they are. I cannot respond with this matter-of-fact tone that allows those who are less sure of themselves no freedom to express their own thoughts. I must learn to be slow to respond and temper my replies with compassion and understanding.

I neither think I'm particularly brilliant or unique, but I am aware that I am aged compared to most people my age. Perhaps in part due to circumstance, perhaps a dash of God given wisdom, and may be in part just the good fortune of having the ability to be honest with myself. The combination though has given me a far different frame of reference for life compared to most of my peers. In this time, I will learn to share that knowledge graciously as opposed to using it for my own benefit. That being said, I will also gladly accept insight from others and become teachable and approachable, though I have no idea what that practically looks like.