I'm back...

Back from a long weekend in NYC. It was great, really. I dont say that in a lacksadaisical sort of way. I'm sincere. The weekend was awesome, and I didnt even buy anything--not even the super pretty purple dress taunting me at Jessie James. I practiced great self control.
The weekend wasn't about shopping or just having fun though. It was about being a real friend to someone who needed exactly that--someone who was in great need of unconditional love and who could no longer withstand to be under the pressure inflicted from bearing the scrutiny and judgment of others. "Others" would be people who are close friends and family yet are on the periphery of a situation which they do not understand. So, honestly, I feel like God sent me. I've been through a lot of what she's been through. I understand first hand how she feels. It was a blessing bestowed upon me to be asked to and love someone--a girl who is my oldest friend in the world, who is like my own sister. The funny part is, we've grown apart over the years. Not that we ever weren't friends or anything, we just weren't really tight. My recent past however brought us back together and allowed me the opportunity to go this weekend and talk things out with her right when she really needed it. I am so very grateful for such an incredible opportunity. And what a blessing it was to me to receive so much appreciation and gratitude for doing something that seems so ordinary...going to visit an old friend.
The more I think about how blessed I was this weekend, the more I sit just shaking my head. What a wonderful God I serve. He truly uses the toughest times in our lives to bless and teach his children. It's hard to see or understand when you're in the midst of it, but when sifting through the aftermath, trying to make sense of it all, suddenly everything begins to come into focus. Life no longer appears as though one is looking through the lens of a kaleidoscope. Slowly, steadily, and surely, clarity makes its way on the scene, often unnoticed at first, but then there it is, out of nowhere.
If you had asked me a year ago what my life meant or why I'm on this earth or why I had to deal with pain and suffering in my past, you would've received some bitter, jaded answer from a cynic who questioned God, wasn't sure she possessed any value worldly or otherwise, and was certain that unconditional love was about as real as Santa Claus. Now though, my perspective has changed immensely. My roommate told me it's like I'm becoming me again. Tragic though it was, for a bit I was another person living in my body. I was angry, bitter, and cold. I had no patience or tolerance for anyone or anything. I simply lived each day to get to the next. I had no purpose whatsoever.
Then, the walls came tumbling down. The levy broke and my heart was flooded with emotion for the first time in years. A new understanding of who I am began to form. I started to see why God made me the way I am, and for the first time, didn't resent it. I started to acknowledge and embrace the good things about myself, seeking to find a way to share them others. And so, I have arrived at this current position in life. I have been able to relate to so many of my friends already. I have been allowed to share advice, thoughts, and often just a compassionate and understanding ear. This is why I am me. This is why God made me the way I am. I truly am so sincerely grateful for being created in this way. I do not possess the words needed to express the feeling that arises when I realize the depth of what God has given me--thanks, appreciation, joy, but ultimately, I am simply blown away.