Restless...

You know that feeling of not belonging and wanting to find a place where you fit in, find people who get you, and do something with your life that makes sense and is fulfilling? That's where I am. It's overwhelming, and sometimes it's like I can't quite breathe, like I want to burst out of my own skin and run far away to some other place (where I don't know). My heart feels like it's pounding in my chest at a thousand beats per minute. My mind wanders off and I'm unable to focus. I'm antsy and can't relax or sit still. My hands even shake.

That's how I feel this morning. I am at a place of great unrest...searching for something more, some kind of peace or something...I don't know how to find it. I try hard to block out these thoughts and countless others and simply get through the day. I just need to get my work done and go home. Then what though, and why? Simply to do it all over again tomorrow? Great. So what's next? Am I at a dead end? Where do I go from here?

It seems, in my mind at least, that perhaps finding a group of like minded people who understand the way I think would be a good place to start in this quest for peace. Perhaps unconditional love and acceptance would allow me to rest, but it seems elusive no matter how hard I fight for it.

Maybe that's not even it. I don't know what it is, but there's something missing. I have friends, food, clothing, shelter...my basic needs are met, but it's not enough. There is still this huge puzzle piece that I cannot find, and I can't complete the puzzle until I do. I need more. It's like I'm bound by this, and all I want is to be free.