Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Search for Significance

I wonder what it's like to be important. I don't mean important in the sense of being famous; moreso along the lines of being significant to someone, to be a top priority in someone's heart. I suppose that really what I'm talking about is the need to be loved fully and unconditionally. I want to be understood. I want to be chosen by someone. Essentially, I am seeking to be important to someone...a man. Now by no means am I saying that I need a man to complete me, but there is this innate desire within me to have a man fight for me, to cherish me, to love me, and to place me before all else in his life aside from God. I don't want to be told to wait until the timing is right. I want to be the princess who is saved from the fire now. I don't want to hear that if only I were different somehow, then maybe, just maybe things might work. I want someone who sees me for my worth, not simply as something pretty to be boxed up and taken out again when it's convenient. I have so much love in my heart that I cannot wait to give, but I want it to be reciprocated. Is there a way to find this significance? Can I somehow make it happen? Will someone hold me close and keep me safe, carefully guarding all that is good within me as opposed to keeping me at arm's length until he deems me worthy to spend his time with? Is there a man who will love me just as Christ loved the church? I realize that is a lot to ask, but can it be done? Will I always be an afterthought, a garnish on a plate? For once, can I take the spotlight instead of being upstaged by work, friends, sports, etc? Will I ever be loved like that? Or will I just always be the new toy? I spark interest for a short bit, but then I'm tossed aside with the toys from last Christmas.Slowly, the phone stops ringing, the emails cease, and I'm replaced with the next best thing. I do not want to be the flavor of the week ever again. Never do I desire to be simply a pretty face. I want to be handled with care...like a Faberge Egg--delicate, beautiful, and highly valuable.

I know that God sees my worth and loves as I am, for He created me. Yet this longing is insatiable. I am content with who I am, and I embrace all of my idiosyncracies, but I so strongly desire to share them all with someone tangible. I want to have someone to wrap their arms around me when I've had a long day, to celebrate with me at the joys in my life, or to simply sit and watch people pass by and talk...and understand.

Perhaps this is a dream, but I feel sure that one day this dream will become a reality. I want to be able to trust someone without having it thrown in my face time and again. I want to love and be loved...

2 comments:

Blessed said...

you took the words right out of my head...

AARice said...

It wasn't my intention...:)