Sometimes I wonder...

So a friend of mine says I look like Fivel, yeah, that goofy looking mouse from...I don't know the name of the movie, and all I can think of is the Land Before Time, but that's about dinosaurs. Anyway, you know the Fivel song? The one about somewhere out there...blah blah blah...the point of the song is that someone somewhere out there loves this poor, homely, disheveled mouse. My question though is this: Is there really someone out there for me? Really? Someone who is blown away by who I am, who can finish my sentences, who knows what I'm thinking before I even say anything, who laughs with me, who thinks like me, who will hold me close when I'm hurt, who will protect me, who will love me, who will honor, adore, and cherish me? I know I'm asking a lot. I realize this, but this is my heart's desire. There is a big empty space within my heart waiting to be filled by someone like this. The same someone for whom I would do anything. The someone around whom my world would revolve.

I made the mistake of thinking I found this person, only to learn that the person loved himself far more than he loved me. That was a painful realization--to learn that you're not that important after all is really rather shocking. The painful truth of finding out that you barely rank on someone's to-do list when they are EVERY entry on your own is just crushing.

After all of that, I felt like I had to really rebuild the walls that had once before so strongly guarded my heart. Before that relationship I had been terrified of getting hurt, but after years, I learned to let myself love fully. Then, after being beaten down for years and believing all sorts of deceptions I escaped and sought to find myself again.

So this journey of finding me began nearly a year ago. I feel like I have learned so much about who God made me to be. I feel like my relationship with Him has grown immensely. Yet deep within my soul there is this insatiable desire and need to be loved and cared for. I am tired of doing everything on my own. I want a tangible love. I want a man to grab me up and really kiss me, and mean it. I don't ever want to be just another girl again. I want to know that some man thinks I'm special, and thinks I'm worth whatever price he has to pay. But, is that man really out there? I often feel like I will forever be alone.