Restoration

I'm not exactly sure where to begin...how to put into words exactly what I'm thinking...

There is all this hurt and pain diluting the transparency of this relationship right now. It has come in like a wave and washed away all that was good and pure like grains of sand being sucked out into the sea. I see now where I have spoken harshly and in turn received a response that was less than pleasing, but perhaps fitting...or maybe not. Either way, the past cannot be changed. Things have been said and choices made that cannot be taken back. Words cut like a knife into the deepest caverns of hearts and therein secrets are stored and memories locked away. The challenge then is to find a way into a state of repair. What does that constitute? How does one arrive at such a vunerable place? Once there, is complete restoration truly possible, or does the pain simply get swept under the rug as people walk around pretending nothing ever happened? The latter simply leaves a bad taste in my mouth. That is the last thing I want. I am seeking complete and unconditional restoration-that which is a direct correlation to God's love, mercy, and forgiveness. This cannot be of me. I can try to say all the right words, turn the other cheek a thousand times, fall to my knees begging for forgiveness, but this still is a matter of the heart. That is not for man to heal, but for God. No matter what I say, I cannot win back the heart of man without holy intervention. This is a difficult realization for someone who always feels compelled to fix situations of her own accord, and generally seems able to do so, sometimes even with a bit of finesse. This is different though. I not only have been hurt myself, but I see that I have deeply hurt someone else. With this in my mind, I am deeply humbled. My heart's desire is simple and good--to repair that which I have broken and lay aside my own pride and arrogance in order to love my friend as Christ loves me. I lay my burdens at the foot of the cross and ask my God to reach down and redeem this friendship making it far better than could have ever been imagined. Bring healing and full restoration Lord. This can be only of you, for as proven, I will fail in my meager attempts.

This is my prayer Lord. Show me the way. I will make any sacrifice necessary, and I am glad to put my heart on the line yet again. I trust that if it gets trampled another time, it is your will, and you are teaching me. Give me understanding, compassion, grace, and wisdom far beyond my years...